Saturday, 16 February 2013

It's over.

I don't wanna keep tweeting all the sad stuff cos I know it's annoying, but I really need to vent my frustration/sadness somewhere. Figured my blog is probably the best place for now, since it was first created for me to pen down my thoughts. I'd suppose the title suggests the purpose of the post. If you still don't get it, too bad for you. It hurts so badly now, hurts up my spine in my heart and out of my soul. I feel lost now that everything has turned to ashes. Three years of having that special someone in my life, poof...gone like that. Took us so much to finally get together, so much ups and downs (more ups i'd say), so many wonderful trips together, and the most amazing birthday ever, and ever thought of marrying this special someone who seemed Godsent. Until this moment, I'd still want to marry him if not for the unsolvable problems we have. I don't know what you think, what others think or even what my friends think but deep down I know how much this special one means to me, and how much I love him. It's crazy. And maybe that's the thing that glued us together for 3 years despite having many problems. But we have come to realize, love isn't everything and it certainly doesn't take away some pain and hurt. I feel like a fool for always being able to give love advice on my formspring when right here, I'm sobbing and feeling so so so helpless. It's not that we have never broken up or taken a break before that I've never bothered writing a post like this. I always saw a glimpse of hope or a silver lining no matter what nasty situation we were put into. But right now, this time I know it's for real. It's over. We're done. The best damn thing that ever happened to me, it's time to go. The best three years of my life, it has to be nothing but memories. With all my ex-boyfriends adding up, it still can't amount to what I feel for D. It's crazy, and perhaps it's now then I realize how much I really love someone but it doesn't really matter anymore. I'm bawling my eyes out, crying till my jaw and head hurt. But I'm gonna wake up every morning from now on and tell myself, everything is gonna be alright. Life goes on no matter what. I just want to get my shit together.

Fuck it.
That's what I'm really gonna try to live by, at least.
And if anyone wanna come here/my formspring to rub salt to my wound, don't bother. I won't even entertain you, AT ALL.
I hope the rest of you had a wonderful valentine's day though x

It's been a crazy night. I need to meditate and sleep now, goodnight.


  1. :/

    Hi Sophia! I've been following your blog and tumblr for a super long time. I feel like I almost know you! I think you are a gorgeous, talented and kind girl.

    What I like most about you is that you are always so hopeful about love.

    Reading this post made me really sad :/

    I hope things turn out well and you find your prince charming one day!

    I know you will :) <3

    1. Thanks Nicole (: I hope I will too. I just want to get out of this mess I'm in :/

  2. hey sophia, been your supporter since juicemarket was set up years ago. going thru what u go thru as well. tho i have not break up but is almost like one. im not as strong as u r, not sure how u still manage to continue and do stuff in life. still doing ur business and studying well. really admire u, thanks for being such an inspiration. i believe u will do great!

    1. Hi dear, I'm actually struggling emotionally but hey just remember life goes on k. You are what you tell yourself to be (: chin up!!

  3. you'll be fine, dear.

    funny how a sentence in your blog is found in one of kim wakerman's entry.

  4. Hi Sophia, just happened to read this post of yours. Just wana say that I'm going through the same phase as you, with my bf of 5 years and it ended in Jan. Just wana say, stay strong girl! God will always have a plan for us in life! It has been almost two months but I have not gotten over it but life still goes on with or without a boyfriend. You will be fine and I pray for your wounds to heal just as I pray for mine to heal:))

  5. It's the times when you are on your own which are the hardest as they are the times when you tend to play 'those' songs. It's almost like you go on auto-destruct without meaning to. All I suggest is that you tell yourself that you will get through this but it will take time. You may be a little twisted (meant in a funny way) when you come out the other end but it's a journey you will no doubt do a few times in your life so when you look at the bigger picture, there really isn't anything you need to worry about as this shit DOES make you stronger. You WILL be fine because you have support from people but most importantly, you have your head screwed on. If you keep your head down, how will you see what's on the horizon. Chin up dals there are good things to come. :)